Watch the black smoke fly to heaven, See the red flame light the sky

BYE-BYE!

Read Elton John’s lyrics and think about it:

You tell me there’s an angel in your tree
Did he say he’d come to call on me
For things are getting desperate in our home
Living in the parish of the restless folks I know

Everybody now bring your family down to the riverside
Look to the east to see where the fat stock hide
Behind four walls of stone the rich man sleeps
It’s time we put the flame torch to their keep

Burn down the mission
If we’re gonna stay alive
Watch the black smoke fly to heaven
See the red flame light the sky

Burn down the mission
Burn it down to stay alive
It’s our only chance of living
Take all you need to live inside

Deep in the woods the squirrels are out today
My wife cried when they came to take me away
But what more could I do just to keep her warm
Than burn burn burn burn down the mission walls

LET’S PLAY DRESS UP

No, I’m not going weird on you all.

As Pete noticed, (see the comments on the previous piece) there was little but eye candy in the last entry.  I wanted to see what effect a little T&A would have on traffic.  Like Pete, a lot of you are also “NOT GAY” (as if liking to look at half-naked chicks is an exclusively hetero activity.  Who the hell do you think designed most of the lingerie you’re looking at not-gay-boy?) and I’m gratified to see a corresponding rise in traffic.  (Pun only partially intended.)

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to start the

Match the Girl to the Gun

 feature. 

Readers will have a chance to pick their favorite marker – and a girl to go along with it. 

In fact, they can send in their own pics of their favorite guns or their favorite girls, or both and I’ll put them up.  Bonus points for pics of girls holding guns.   (Gun makers – feel free to abuse the free advertising.  Girls – feel free.)

And Pete?  This does serve a paintball purpose.  What with all the metrosexuality going on in the game these days, I think its important for players to remember that there is a difference between man clothes and lingerie, regardless of whether they’re looking at it or wearing it themselves…

SEX ED. 101

Guys Like To LOOK.

The sooner wives, girlfriends and significant others learn this fundamental aspect of the male half of the species, we’ll be more than halfway towards uniting Venus and Mars.

I’m very lucky to have a wife who already understands this genetically ingrained trait, accepts it and d0es not interfere in my guilty little pleasures.  I usually get to go through the Fredericks catalog first…

Speaking of which – what guy doesn’t like lingerie?  Its the concealing that’s revealing – right?  The catalog companies are on record as admitting that they ship more to men than they do to women, so I know I can’t be the only one who appreciates thigh-high stockings, stiletto heels, tiny little skirts and thongs, not to mention bustiers, baby dolls, merry widows and corsets.

I’m probably a little more educated than most when it comes to the names they call these things ($150 bucks for two pieces of netting and a strap!?!) because I was seriously contemptlating going into the business (fyi – distributor to dealer markups about 80% average, dealer to retail, upwards of 200% markup).  Most guys just say “wow, how do I get you out of that thing?”

It doesn’t matter.  You don’t need to know what they’re called to appreciate them.  So here’s a little selection for your ‘just looking fix’:  if the S.O. gives you any grief, tell her its all about paintball…

Not bad for a start – leather and lace, with a collar and some built-in tiedowns.

mmmm – velvet choker and garter belts

You don’t need any more logs on that fire…

And a little something for the vinyl crowd.  Do you think she needs to be locked up – or just wants to be?

Just about everything in this one…

And this one you could take to the field with you – but don’t plan on any extracurricular activity out behind the bunkers;  those jeans are so tight they’re gonna take an hour to get off.

Ooo.  Heels.  That lead up to thighs, that move on to hips…

These last two will give you a run for your money.  Kinda looks like they wanna hurt ya.  And make you do things…

Think fast:  Play a game against the Russian Legion with Magued guesting or spend a little quality time with these two doing things?

Images courtesy of Doxy Lingerie and Lingerie Diva.  I don’t think they’ll mind the free PR.

KEE KONFESSIONS

George at Kee Action Sports sent a letter off to his dealers the other day, telling them (and in a roundabout fashion, everyone else) that their prices are going to be going up.  (If you scroll down a little bit you’ll see that I’ve talked about this before…)

Good-O to George and the folks at Kee.  Way to step up in a professional manner, even if it means they’re going to take a hit.  Cudos for being proactive.  At least this time around everyone will know its coming, can try to work the bump into their budget and get the bitching and moaning out of the way before they hit the field.

Now we get to sit back and see if the other paint manufacturers are going to admit to having to do the same thing in relatively short order, or if we’re going to be in for another round of ‘market share, market share, who’s got the market share’.  Of course, those playing that game will simply raise their prices AFTER they’ve squeezed a few extra customers out of KEE’s pockets – but that would be telling.  (If I remember correctly there’s a little clause in those paint supply contracts that exempts the supplier from having to honor their negotiated price for just exactly these kinds of reasons.)

Market share wars or a nice, orderly across the board increase?  (Move along, nothing to see here.) 

Regardless, players are going to be finding it increasingly difficult to make their playing budgets this year as the economy continues to tank.  Our economy – the envy of the world according to some Texans – is on a “solid foundation”.  The ”underpinnings are strong” and it has “good fundamentals”.  And the Titanic was unsinkable. 

***

What’s up with all the advertising for this train that leaves at 3:10 heading for Yuma?  Hasn’t Amtrack been paying attention to what’s going on in the airline industry?  How about mentioning the 4:10 to Kankakee, the 5:10 to Moose Jaw or the 6:10 to Oshkosh?  We’re gonna end up with a lot of folks getting bumped off that 3:10. 

Update

Ok.  So last week I was Dale Ford and today I’m Steve Davidson.  LoL.

Next week I’ll be Hillary Clinton and I just can’t wait to see who I’ll be come February.

(Banning a commentor has apparently pissed him off enough to go and post the above on Automags.Org.  I guess some people don’t have anything better to do.)

Now back to our regularly scheduled show.

The Rapist and the Enabler

“The time has come,” the TB said,
“To talk of many things:
Of games–and sex–and politics–
Of legal fights–of thieves who would be kings–
And why the players are caring not–
And whether Billy will buy things.”

The Walrus and the Carpenter, loosely adapted from the original by Lewis Carroll (from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

TB Wright has a forum/blog on the web and I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to mention it and direct people there.  He’s recently started posting again so I’ve taken the opportunity to do so.

His most recent post is a follow on to the discussion of the future fate of MXS Scenario games.  A recap for those who might not be familiar with the whole story:

An anonymous letter found its way to many of the companies and individuals involved in one fashion or another with MXS Scenario games company that made the claim that Patrick McKinnon – Pacman – of that company (and well-known scenario gamer) had been accused and convicted of rape a number of years ago in Texas.  The letter supposedly contained enough verifying information (court transcripts, social security numbers, etc) to lend credence to the claim.

The motivation for the letter being sent seem to be various gripes concerning the business practices of the MXS company, or a partner in the company being jipped out of his share and/or current accusations that other women have been bothered or abused by Patrick while attending various MXS events. 

TB – who is self-confessingly not happy with MXS – claims to have taken up the cause of the aforementioned (supposedly victimized) women, because reportedly none of them are willing to come forward with public accusations.

(This story caused no small degree of issues at 68Caliber headquarters.  It was one of those things that cause major discussion over journalistic integrity – even down to the level of “when is a new story actually a news story?”.  68Caliber’s attorney offered the opinion that the rape conviction was ‘old news’ and therefore not worthy of coverage, which position everyone apparently agreed with.  On the other hand, editorializing on the subject was within bounds.  As a result of writing an editorial on the subject, 68Caliber was accused of being the source of the anonymous letters.  This was of course false and anyone looking at 68Caliber’s track record would immediately know that ‘68 don’t play that way’.)

Nevertheless, the entire incident caused a major brouhaha – especially in the scenario world.  Many of MXS’s competitors were quitely pleased with the “hit” MXS was taking (the company is apparently notorious for behind-the-scenes competitive nastiness), as would be expected many MXS fans loudly protested and “Mother” Howe attempted to gain control of the spin by issuing a public letter (while interestingly barring anyone from reproducing it…) and by shutting down the MXS forum accounts of those who were questioning the situation.

The one claim made by Howe that strains all credibility was that she would be continuing to operate MXS sans Patrick.  Excuse me.  That’s like Hillary saying she had absolutely no input on Bill’s Presidential decisions (quick real-politiks aside:  she’s now – Hillary – apparently claiming that she was involved in every last one of his decisions – including his selection of cigars, which is like Howe saying that Patrick didn’t really do anything except stand around at the games and look pretty.  Funny how close analogies can be…)

The issue died down somewhat over the past several months, but has now gotten itself back onto the radar screen.  Seems that Billy Smith of Low Country paintball is considering purchasing MXS – which will put money into Dianne’s and Patricks hands (well, maybe just an allowance into Patricks hands) and is, in this blogger’s opinion, a mistake.

The BIG mistake was made by the company’s sponsors in not running away – far away – the minute that the accusations turned out to be real.  If one runs to hysterical interpretations, sponsoring a company owned and operated by a convicted rapist is tantamount to endorsing the crime and, if the forums and commentary are anything to go by, there’s a sizeable chunk of the scenario game crowd that DOES view it that way.

Billy – you’ve got enough issues to deal with without having to buy into owning a company that’s got MXS’s history.  If you’re buying the company to bury it – great, but PLEASE do yourself a favor and bury it PUBLICLY.  Otherwise, buy their mailing list for no more than 5 cents a name and walk away.

And if you (not you Billy, I’m done with you for now) if you, the collective paintball people, want to find out more about this, visit TB’s website at www.worldoftb.com. 

WHEN IS HIRING AN ALL NIGHT HOOKER LIKE PLAYING PAINTBALL?

You know – enough with the paintball history.  Its obvious that most are going to ignore it and the folks who bother to comment (most anyways) are so hung up on making their version of the past a reality that you can’t see the forest for the bullshit.

So.  I’ve decided to take the blog in a new direction.

From now on I’m going to concentrate on what’s happening today, this week and the future.  But I do need to tie up a few loose ends.

PSP:  They’re fucked.  Just like all tournament ball is fucked.  Here’s the straight poop:  If your team isn’t in with the ‘network’, you’re NOTHING except a ready source of cash.  No one sees you, or your team’s potential, they’ll never recognize your talent and you’re not going to be standing next to Ollie Lang in the penalty box.  You’re going to spend money you can ill-afford, you’re going to get bad calls, you’ll never get to win your arguments with the refs, you’ll get 15 total minutes of actual play time and end up with a little number posted next to your standings on the web – and that little bit of meaningless fame is going to cost you several THOUSAND dollars.  For NOTHING.

Have you ever really looked at the cost of your ill-considered tournament ball career?  Games are scheduled for five minutes these days.  Most last all of two.  Assuming you stay on the field for the entire length of every game and make it all the way through to the finals, you’ll have been on the field for 60 minutes.  For which you paid between $1000 and $5000 in entry fee alone.   That’s a minimum of $16 per minute – or three dollars per player per minute.

A $1000-a-night-hooker doesn’t even cost that much on a minute by minute basis.  Think about that.  Busting your nuts with a professional GIRL costs LESS than busting your balls in some cow pasture in Florida.  You don’t have to wear funny clothes – unless that’s your thing (and truth to tell the hooker might up her fee a bit if that’s the case), there’s no ref telling you what you can or can’t do, there’s no one else in there screwing around with your good time (unless you count the midget – but he costs extra too) and the electronics rarely, if ever, break down.  But no, you’d rather screw around with a bunch of guys and get ripped off in the process.  (Last time I checked, and it was merely for academic purposes, male prostitutes charge less than women but trannies cost more.  Go figure.  The point being that if you swing that way – which is a closer analogy to paintball than hiring a girl – the cost disparity is even greater.  What the heck – hire five guys and it will be just like stepping onto the field…)

There are two reasons that PSP has adopted its new ROF limit.  First and foremost is the fact that they’re now closer to the mandatory standards that will shield them from many liability issues.  They didn’t do this because they wanted to, they did it because they had to.  The second reason is because they’ve gone way overboard on the cost of play.  Teams just can’t afford to shoot the volumes at both events AND practice that are necessary to be even marginally competitive.  Its a sop to the economics prevailing today and has little or nothing to do with making the game more competive.  If they really wanted to address the issue, they’d go back to pump guns and/or gravity feed only hoppers.  Either or both of those would really bring the tactics back into the game. (Of course, tactical play is not the point of paintball tournaments.  Shooting paint is the point.) But then they’d run into the problem with the paint manufacturers.  Too little paint getting shot and the major sponsors will stop ponying up the little bit of support they’re actually providing. 

I’m not even going to start discussing ’sponsorship’, except to say that if you have to pay even a single thin dime for the support you’re receiving, its a lie to call it sponsorship.

Next posting, I’ll start with the new tack on things.  I’m going to take a look at cheaters (if you know of any, let me know and I’ll write all about it) and bad business practices – like the folks who pass bad checks and then hide behind their professional player status to get away with it.

IS THERE ANYTHING STINKIER THAN OLD DIRTY LAUNDRY?

Yes.  Human feces.  But that will be the subject of a different blog.

PSP and the history of tournament paintball (which will eventually lead to a discussion of their recent BPS rule change.)

Did you know that the PSP was founded on a lie and a vain attempt by one Lewis J. Braun to keep himself and his company at the forefront of tournament promotion?

It was.  Way back in 1992 when the teams founded the NPPL, they hired Mr. Braun to be their corporate counsel and also made the stupid-assed mistake of letting this same person volunteer to promote two of their scheduled six events - which later grew to four when Jeff Perlmutter of PMI dropped out of the promotion game. 

Well, ok, ancient history, right? Except for that pesky little saying about being condemned to repeat it if you don’t learn it, that bit of history could be forgotten.

The NPPL dropped its first event, reducing their inaugural season to five tournaments, which it has remained at ever since.  That left Mr. Braun promoting four out of five.

This despite the fact that this same promoter was responsible for the only national tournament who’s champion was decided by a coin toss in the parking lot (no lie – they had to turn on car headlights so they could see the toss.  Mr. Braun’s brilliant scheduling resulted in daylight running out before the game schedule did.)  AND the same person responsible for the world’s first $100,000 prize for a paintball tournament – that ended up handing out only $80,000 in cash.  And the same person who arrived at an NPPL annual meeting to announce that he had signed a deal with ESPN on behalf of the NPPL – any teams that wanted to be in it could pay him $2500 entry fee…(I’m getting ahead of myself.  I hope you didn’t miss the fact that he stepped into the middle of a television deal between the league and the network and then charged the people he was supposedly representing to attend…)

And then somehow Mr. Braun manuevered himself into the position of accepting all of the entry fees and unilaterally deciding how much of the take the league would get from him.  Seems there was always more dollars needed for port-a-johns that weren’t on site, more referees that didn’t show up, scoreboards that were never made…

Then he went through a period of having to ’share’ his wealth with some of the bigger teams who used their own muscle to get a lock on promoting at least one event a year.  Smart Parts got an event.  Bad Boys Toys got an event.  PCRI/PEVs got an event, and others as well.

Somehow they all forgot that NPPL events were supposed to be put out for bid.  Funny – there was only ever one bid meeting…

Oh, and I forgot all about the member teams’ annual dividends.  See, the way things were set up, all of the founding member teams, and any other team that stepped up and purchased a membership in the league were supposed to get a share of the profits at the end of every season.  Year one – everyone got theirs.  Year two – everyone got theres and then decided to roll it back in as an investment in the league.  Year three – no payout.  And there hasn’t been one since.

The above was the result of Mr. Legal Counsel Braun’s suggestion that the league be set up as a shareholder’s corporation like – and I quote – “supermarket chains”. Oh.  OK.  Sure thing.   (”So if that’s the best way to go, how come all the other sports leagues are set up as non-profits?”  “Shut up you!”)  The shareholder thing was a brilliant move to blind everyone and anyone who might question what was going on with promises of money.

Then he moved to disenfranchise the amateur teams (there was a majority of them and they wanted to do things differently) – despite the fact that it was illegal to do so. 

And how was he able to do all of this you ask?  He was the duly appointed legal counsel for the league and, as far as the paper trail is concerned, he never transferred ownership of the corporation to its real owners – the teams.

He also got rid of or bought off anyone in a position to question the way things were being run.  Anyone remember Kevin Donaldson? Jim Anderson?  Steve Davidson? Rosie?  Every one of them will tell you the same story – after they stop throwing up.  Braun used them as fronts and then cut them off at the knees when they got too uppity.

So then along comes Chuck Hendsch.  Chuck had been elected as Vice President of the NPPL the very last time that the organization held legally constituted elections.  Since the President (Tom Cole) had resigned (probably in disgust) according to the league’s legal by-laws, Chuck was in charge until such time as elections could be held again.

Chuck found some friends that gave him the monetary and political clout to take control of the NPPL away from Braun.  He announced what he was going to do (the league’s by-laws were in disarray owing to the fact that there were no legal voting members any more.  Braun killed that too) and then set about doing it, which entailed a complete separation of the league from anything Mr. Braun was involved in.

Go back and check the letter columns in the magazines and the archives of the web forums.  Braun publicly states that Hendsch was stealing the league.  He even went so far as to rename his organization PSP-NPPL in an attempt to confuse the marketplace.  But there was little he could do, since Chuck had been smart enough to secure the league’s intellectual property and Chuck won that shouting match.

The following year, Braun removed the NPPL part of his league’s name and its been in competition with the NPPL ever since.

Over the years, Braun has been alternately praised as having been instrumental in founding tournament ball in the US and reviled as a power-grabbing manipulator.  His reputation became so bad at one point that he had to hide his involvement with various enterprises:  his position with ProCaps as some kind of corporate advisor and distributor, his ownership stake in Cousin’s Paintball, his revenue sharing stake in Paintball Sports Magazine and who all knows what else.  The man was famous for ‘doing favors’ for people and then demanding payment at some future date.

(Quick humorous aside.  Mr. Braun hasn’t always had it his own way.  One company I know used to advertise in his magazine – Paintball Sports International. This company called the magazine up to temporarily stop their advertising since they didn’t want to go in debt.  Braun said he’s run the ads anyway.  The company insisted that the ads stop and stated they wouldn’t be responsible for paying even if they were run.  Braun ran the ads anyway.  Later on that year, the company attempted to purchase a booth at the World Cup.  They were told that they couldn’t have one until they settled their bill with the magazine – just fold it in with the booth price.  The total came to something like $3,000 of which half could be product that would be used for prizes.  The company delivered $1500.00 in bottle o-rings to the event…I’ll bet there are still some players out there using that “prize”.)

One thing is for sure – he’s never given up effective control of anything he’s been involved in.  You may not see him wandering around (which was difficult to do even when he was wandering around), but he’s still out there some where.

So now we come to ramping, rate of fire and the continuing antics of the PSP.  Which will have to wait for part two of this entry.  Except for an answer to Mr. Raehl’s statement in the comments of the previous post.  You are wrong about the history of setting ROF limits.  Everyone in the tournament game at the time was well aware that the ASTM, under major pressure from the American Medical Association, was insisting that there be NO full auto, NO multi-shot modes and that ALL electronic semi-auto markers should be physically limited to no more than 13 balls per second.  13.  Not 13.3.  Not 13 with ramping.  No bouncing.  No ramping.  No memory modes.  One trigger pull per ball.  Period.

They ALL knew it.  Some manufacturers voluntarily accepted the standard before it was finalized by ASTM (Brass Eagle among them).  Others, finding a willing partner in the PSP, chose to steal market share by ignoring the standard – and player safety – instead.

POLITICALLY CORRECT CAVEATS: Hendsch and Pure Promotions have since sold their interest to Pacific Paintball and Shawn Walker.  Since Pure Promotions set up an entirely new corporation, there’s probably nothing that the original NPPL owners (the teams) can do – and at this point it would be a wasteful, disruptiuve and pointless effort.  PSP has been taken over by Lane Wright and company and all of the evidence points to the fact that Lane is at least trying to do things wRight.  In any event, Lane wasn’t around when most of the foregoing occurred and doesn’t carry any resonsibility for any of it.

I’m sorry. I just couldn’t resist.

I found this on Ebay today.

The ad copy said (among other things): ”Very few men like the feeling of teeth on their penis. Teeth can cause discomfort, cuts, and scratches to the skin if you are not careful.”

Umm. Okay.  

You, or someone you’re sharing a bed with, puts this thing in their mouth like they’re getting ready to play football.  Then you break out all the other optional equipment.

A CHEEZY ATTEMPT AT SELF-PROMOTION

Sometime during the next day or so I’m going to post a blog on the subject of the PSP and the lowering of the legal RPS rate.

I’m not going to be nice.

BOTH the PSP AND the teams that play in it are going to come under the gun (with an unlimited ROF), so tell your friends to check back here soon and often. 

I’m heading out to see a man about a payloader. There’s just no way possible to shovel PSP shit manually…